Edging Towards 25
In my house
I ate everything put before me
Sweet, bitter, green, purple
I took it all in like a good boy
The family called me the garbage can
The school suggested math
So I studied math
I went to piano lessons and catechism
As my parent's prescribed
Dressed smartly, got high marks,
Made my bed, never told lies
Went to a respectable college
Avoided the "wrong crowd"
By avoiding all crowds
Worried about my acne and my hair
And my non-tallness and non-whiteness
Replayed failings and flubs over and over
But now I smile in the mirror
At my stubbly chin
And my wry eyes
Laugh at the rain and traffic
Crawl on all fours
Kiss boys and dogs with equal relish
Pronounce my name incorrectly
The knife in my hand
Cuts away all rotted roots
And congenital fears
Till the grey-white structure
Is all that remains
I am less than I was
And more than I was
Cut out to be
Just a rough-edged skeleton now
Gleefully growing flesh
All over again.
[RikPanganiban, Balisang Series:4, july1994]
I ate everything put before me
Sweet, bitter, green, purple
I took it all in like a good boy
The family called me the garbage can
The school suggested math
So I studied math
I went to piano lessons and catechism
As my parent's prescribed
Dressed smartly, got high marks,
Made my bed, never told lies
Went to a respectable college
Avoided the "wrong crowd"
By avoiding all crowds
Worried about my acne and my hair
And my non-tallness and non-whiteness
Replayed failings and flubs over and over
But now I smile in the mirror
At my stubbly chin
And my wry eyes
Laugh at the rain and traffic
Crawl on all fours
Kiss boys and dogs with equal relish
Pronounce my name incorrectly
The knife in my hand
Cuts away all rotted roots
And congenital fears
Till the grey-white structure
Is all that remains
I am less than I was
And more than I was
Cut out to be
Just a rough-edged skeleton now
Gleefully growing flesh
All over again.
[RikPanganiban, Balisang Series:4, july1994]
